Where slacking is a sport, reading an addiction, and underachievement a birthright

Not for lack of trying

I’m BACK!!!

Actually, to be truthful, I never left.  My absence was a simple case of my site needing to be upgraded.  However, with the problem fixed, we can return to our regularly scheduled programming…

I look on my Google home page at the countdown to the big day  which will end our year of being betrothed .  With exactly 100 days until ‘the BIG day’, I am not sure if I’m on top of everything or if I’m falling horribly behind.  I learned a certain form of ‘pidgin Chinese’ while working with my dressmaker.  After finally reaching the conclusion that yes, my thyroid has konked out, yes, I’m going to need to be on yet another medication for the duration of my life, and no, I will probably never be that willowy thin gal I used to be, I guess my measurements are going to be the numbers that they are right now.

Until then, I’ll answer the phone, pick out some bridesmaid’s dresses, and see what’s going on in Facebook.  THAT, unto itself, is an entire topic upon which I will have to elucidate further when the words about it ring clear in my head.

I’m happy to be back.  Even though my entries have not been as prolific as I hoped they would be, I like it here.  It’s MY little spot in this infinite otherworld.  Until next time…sarahanne

Possibilities through these tough times, or history repeating itself? You be the judge.

I am so, so tired of hearing people talk about how bad the economy is.  President Obama is under such microscopic scrutiny, it’s as if the desired results are going to magically present themselves the moment he finishes signing them.  Sure, times have been better than they are now, but this running around in a constant state of panic that this recession is going to turn into a depression has got to STOP.  Please.

This ain’t our first rodeo, people.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Wow, this is my 5th recession!  And I’m not even very old!

I can’t say I remember anything of  ‘my’ first one, where people were lining up to fill their gas tanks. We lived on a ranch and had our own gas tank (because of all of the tractors and equipment that require gas in order to work), so I don’t remember waiting all day to fill up one’s tank.   Then again, I was about 3 years old. Nothing is too bad when you’re 3.  However, it was a bad recession, or so I’m told.

The early 80’s recession…that would put me in early Jr. High School. My life pretty well sucked during the entire experience of Jr&Sr high, all of which took place in the 1980’s. I’m sure I was focusing a lot more on the myriad elements that comprised my life sucking than I was on the early 80’s recession. The lovely ‘trickle down’ theory didn’t trickle down as low as Reagan had assured us, if it even trickled at all…

The early 90’s recession: Ooooh, I remember this one! It wasn’t just Ivy League graduates who had nowhere to go, it was EVERYONE graduating from college around that time. You just went through all this schooling, and now there’s nothing for you?  If you could afford it , you’d get mommy and daddy to pay for you to just stay in school and get your master’s degree right then.   A lot of us weren’t so lucky, but even so, many opted for the ‘take out more loans, get my master’s/PhD and hope times are better when I’m done with them’ route.  I remember being utterly petrified the 2nd semester my senior year.  I had no idea what I was going to do.  I ended up packing up and moving to the big city of San Francisco.  The one advantage to this time was that so many schools had been cranking out kids with business degrees that suddenly, companies wanted to hire people who had a more ‘well rounded’ education. Though Psychology was #1 and English #2 in the list of slacker majors, they definitely counted as ‘well rounded, and somehow employment was found.

2001-2003-Oh, the dot com bubble! And right on the heels of the Japanese recession of the late 90’s! I had friends who were working really hard, trying to get in on IPOs, then BAM! It was all over. They had spent the best part of their 20’s working their asses off in hopes of the big payout, and I spent most of mine NOT doing that, and then, years later,  there we were, in the very same place. It was as if the ‘ant and the grasshopper’  fable was turned on its side.

And NOW we’re in the late 2000’s recession, and everyone’s running around like chicken with their heads cut off, screaming like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz “What are we going to do? What are we going to do?” It’s not as though this has never happened before.   And everyone’s saying ‘This time it’s going to be different; THIS time we’re going to find a new way, a super great ultra utopian way, THIS time we’re going to become self sufficient, join hands across the land, and by the end of it, we’ll all be working at high paying jobs, and we’ll all be so much wiser for this experience that it’ll NEVER happen again.

I’m not denying that maybe this IS the chance for people to get together, get off their asses, and elicit major change for our country.  We are so used to being the king of the hill in terms of world leadership that we have been on autopilot for so many things, and we’re paying for it now.  I think this time we do face unprecedented challenges, and just maybe, the necessary elements WILL come together, and people will realize the benefits of doing things in a new way, more economical, ecological, self sustainable.  Really, we don’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter.   

No matter the situation, it’s STILL a very lucky thing to be an American.   However, we’re a little amiss in thinking that the troubles we face now are new.  Our 225+ year history has been wrought with  some sort of financial problem, panic, recession, depression, crisis, or crash going on since we became a country.  Yes, it is incredibly important to learn from our mistakes, misfortunes, and things of the like.  However, to think that if we change things, radically change things, we will forever be free from such troubles as we’re facing right now; it’s a beautiful idea, truly, but whether or not it’s realistic is questionable.

For once, I AM like someone else…

It  was not a good idea.

Something has happened to my body.  I’m not too sure who took it over, but they’ve done a great job messing it up.  After being in the 120 pound range for the last two decades, suddenly, the question I get asked most is “When are you due?”  Last year I probably used up 85% of my vacation time going to doctors.  Nothing. 

Could it be me?  Could I be eating more than I think I am?  My general doctor had created a diet which he said always worked.  A dry piece of toast for breakfast.  A salad as big as I want for lunch.  A lean cuisine type entree for dinner.  Follow this draconian diet for six days,  and you are allowed ONE ‘free’ meal.  The only problem is I hate salad.  So I took my salad fixings and blended them into a sort of mush in the food processor.  I figured this way, I’d be able to have a few bites, and that would equal out.  Another bad idea.

The pounds just have been staying, inviting their friends, and have been in no hurry to leave.  I have a bit of chronic kidney disease, a doctor told me.  Couple that with it not really being the best time out of the last 28 days, and that’s me today.  I’ve been spending a lot of time on learning about fashion and taste, because I really want to be wearing something other than wrap around skirts for the rest of my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to turn this eternal hippie wear into something more timeless.  I want to look cool, but classy as well, and in a day to day way.  I can do classy for something like an event without a problem, but on Monday, I’m lost.

Today I went to Nordstrom’s.  I had one of my books with me so I could understand what they’d been talking about.  I found some jeans.  I tried them on.  I could button and zip them…barely.  I see a lot of people wear their jeans this tight.  I couldn’t imagine being one of them, but I could if I wanted to.  I handed the ill-fitting pants to a saleswoman and gave a quick excuse-not a good time of the month to be trying on things.

But we got to talking, and I told her about my newly diagnosed thyroid /kidney condition.  She told me a relative of hers had the same thing-a huge weight gain out of the blue, and everyone asking her if she was pregnant because she looked like it.  Hey, that’s what happened to me last year!  The saleswoman said she could tell I was supposed to be thin-she could see it in my wrists and ankles.  Unfortunately, she then said that the condition the other girl had eluded doctors.  Bummer.

However, it was the first time since my body has been practicing circus tricks that another person understood.  Another person had seen this before.  Another person who (among the very few) said it wasn’t my fault.  She said to get over the ‘womanly week,’ and come in again.  Her name was Dana.  It was the first good ‘bad’ shopping experiences I’ve ever had. 

And I’ll be looking cool, timeless yet modern, and all that other fashion stuff some day.

Waitin’ for Good Karma to Come Back to You

I am not thrilled right now.  On, they have this whole application which allows you to send and receive virtual tokens of good karma.  It’s just one of the many things on that site that can dominate your attention for far, far too long.  I’ll admit, I log on there at least once a day to see what’s going on.  It’s been a great way to connect with people you thought you’d never see or hear from again.  Everyone from my high school days is a lot nicer to me now than they ever were back in high school.

However, that site is not the point here.  What the point is here is karma, and I seem to have far less in real life than I do in the ethers of computer land.  I’ve even taken steps to improve my karma.  For example, I was at the check out counter at the health food store, and the cashier accidentally rang me up for one deli item, when in reality there were four. So I, trying to live my good karma life, I pointed the error out to her, that she had accidentally UNDERCHARGED me.  I left the store fifteen bucks poorer than I could have been, but I was smug in the knowledge of the good person I was and how most people would have kept silent on such an oversight.

After that, I had to see a foot doctor.  He was really nice.  Unfortunately though, I have either fractured some bone in my foot or I have doinked the tendon that connects to it.  So I get thrown into a cast and sent on my way until they get my bone scan results next week.  Here’s how I got this injury:  During lunch,  I actually go OUTSIDE and walk 3.5 miles while reading.  Yes, I can read while walking, and I do it quite well in fact.  Don’t worry about me Honolulu, even though you have a high pedestrian fatality rate, I’ll keep on walking, with my book open, I’ll even promise that you won’t hit me (that last sentence should be read in a ‘don’t cry for me, Argentina’ melody in the background).  I can’t justify sitting ALL DAY.  In fact, I have to do far more sitting than I would prefer in the first place.  So one day tra la la, there I was, going on my route, and then this pain started.  That wasn’t unusual, this bit of discomfort had been going on for over a month.  But then it got bad.  REALLY bad.  And believe it or not, I even ‘cowboy’d up’ and finished the whole route. Then I came upstairs, got on the phone and yelled at my dr. to fix this problem.

And then yesterday, my coworker who sits next to me, she was about to send a friend a birthday present.  Her original view was to include a Starbucks gift card, but she decided not to at the last minute.  However, it just so happened that I HAD a Starbucks gift card in my wallet that I received for one of my freelance jobs.  Now if THAT wasn’t karma or a sign from the universe of good karma for her, then I know not what is.

So here I am, I’m walking at lunch, getting in a workout, I’m telling the checkout girl I should be paying her MORE money, I give my coworker the exact gift card she’d been thinking about, I should be having supergreat things happening all around me, right?  Rather, I’m sitting here in a hot (and increasingly smelly) walking cast that’s created a painful blister on my shin.

If you subscribe to Louise Hay’s notion of ‘what you put in to the universe comes back multiplied,’ ultra super great things should be happening all around me, right?  Is karma like a point system, where when you gather enough you get a free DVD or something?  I don’t know.

O we Americans are so impatient; perhaps we would have been better served if we were kept oblivious about such notions like karma.  You know we’ll just mess it up.  We’ll do something good today with the expectation that something great will happen tomorrow, when in reality, that good karma you created is perhaps making up for a bunch of bad karma you kept dragging along with you from several lifetimes ago.  Or maybe your good deeds today will put you in good standing in your next life in some way.  However, we’ve adopted the belief that these things/experiences will have a quick turnaround,  a sort of shelf life of a few days rather than a few lifetimes.  We’ve become a silly, overweight, shallow, lazy, ungrounded and lost nation that can’t even take care of itself.  We’ve been around the world, and we’ve exploited and/or taken advantage of  every resource, every labor force, low pollution standard, and have cherry picked just about everything else we think could be useful.  And lately, our scenery is one of extremes:  stock market volatility and panic,mortgages lenders tumbling, banks free-falling, insurance companies going bankrupt, and we’re fighting a war we know will never end.   In light of all this, from an objective light, perhaps karma has come back to kick our asses for all of our prior (and current) transgressions.

So I guess I’ll just be satisfied that I’ve done a couple good deeds and know that good things will come back…someday.  I think it’s when you STOP expecting something, when you’ve essentially forgotten the great deeds you did a ways back,  when you’re least expecting it that some ramification from the good karma you created will decide to shine on you.  Until then, I’ll try to be a good person and not be so peeved over the fact that I’m stuck in a baking hot walking cast while it’s just as hot outside-like wearing a pair of Uggs over wool socks in the middle of summer…

« Previous entries · Next entries »