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Archive for Banging My Head Against A Wall
September 19, 2008 at 9:41 am · Filed under Banging My Head Against A Wall, Random Musings
I am not thrilled right now. On Facebook.com, they have this whole application which allows you to send and receive virtual tokens of good karma. It’s just one of the many things on that site that can dominate your attention for far, far too long. I’ll admit, I log on there at least once a day to see what’s going on. It’s been a great way to connect with people you thought you’d never see or hear from again. Everyone from my high school days is a lot nicer to me now than they ever were back in high school.
However, that site is not the point here. What the point is here is karma, and I seem to have far less in real life than I do in the ethers of computer land. I’ve even taken steps to improve my karma. For example, I was at the check out counter at the health food store, and the cashier accidentally rang me up for one deli item, when in reality there were four. So I, trying to live my good karma life, I pointed the error out to her, that she had accidentally UNDERCHARGED me. I left the store fifteen bucks poorer than I could have been, but I was smug in the knowledge of the good person I was and how most people would have kept silent on such an oversight.
After that, I had to see a foot doctor. He was really nice. Unfortunately though, I have either fractured some bone in my foot or I have doinked the tendon that connects to it. So I get thrown into a cast and sent on my way until they get my bone scan results next week. Here’s how I got this injury: I got this problem because unlike many millions of minions who consider lunch hour as ‘that time when you move from your sitting at your desk to sitting in the kitchen,’ I actually go OUTSIDE and walk 3.5 miles while reading. Yes, I can read while walking, and I do it quite well in fact. Don’t worry about me Honolulu, even though you have a high pedestrian fatality rate, I’ll keep on walking, with my book open, I’ll even promise that you won’t hit me (that last sentence should be read in a ‘don’t cry for me, Argentina’ melody in the background). I can’t justify sitting ALL DAY. In fact, I have to do far more sitting than I would prefer in the first place. So one day tra la la, there I was, going on my route, and then this pain started. That wasn’t unusual, this bit of discomfort had been going on for over a month. But then it got bad. REALLY bad. And believe it or not, I even ‘cowboy’d up’ and finished the whole route. Then I came upstairs, got on the phone and yelled at my dr. to fix this problem.
And then yesterday, my coworker who sits next to me, she was about to send a friend a birthday present. Her original view was to include a Starbucks gift card, but she decided not to at the last minute. However, it just so happened that I HAD a Starbucks gift card in my wallet that I received for one of my freelance jobs. Now if THAT wasn’t karma or a sign from the universe of good karma for her, then I know not what is.
So here I am, I’m walking at lunch, getting in a workout, I’m telling the checkout girl I should be paying her MORE money, I give my coworker the exact gift card she’d been thinking about, I should be having supergreat things happening all around me, right? Rather, I’m sitting here in a hot (and increasingly smelly) walking cast that’s created a painful blister on my shin, and I’ve lost all trust from my boss for being on Facebook too much.
If you subscribe to Louise Hay’s notion of ‘what you put in to the universe comes back multiplied,’ ultra super great things should be happening all around me, right? Is karma like a point system, where when you gather enough you get a free DVD or something? I don’t know.
O we Americans are so impatient; perhaps we would have been better served if we were kept oblivious about such notions like karma. You know we’ll just mess it up. We’ll do something good today with the expectation that something great will happen tomorrow, when in reality, that good karma you created is perhaps making up for a bunch of bad karma you kept dragging along with you from several lifetimes ago. Or maybe your good deeds today will put you in good standing in your next life in some way. However, we’ve adopted the belief that these things/experiences will have a quick turnaround, a sort of shelf life of a few days rather than a few lifetimes. We’ve become a silly, overweight, shallow, lazy, ungrounded and lost nation that can’t even take care of itself. We’ve been around the world, and we’ve exploited and/or taken advantage of every resource, every labor force, low pollution standard, and have cherry picked just about everything else we think could be useful. And lately, our scenery is one of extremes: stock market volatility and panic,mortgages lenders tumbling, banks free-falling, insurance companies going bankrupt, and we’re fighting a war we know will never end. In light of all this, from an objective light, perhaps karma has come back to kick our asses for all of our prior (and current) transgressions.
So I guess I’ll just be satisfied that I’ve done a couple good deeds and know that good things will come back…someday. I think it’s when you STOP expecting something, when you’ve essentially forgotten the great deeds you did a ways back, when you’re least expecting it that some ramification from the good karma you created will decide to shine on you. Until then, I’ll try to be a good person and not be so peeved over the fact that I’m stuck in a baking hot walking cast while it’s just as hot outside-like wearing a pair of Uggs over wool socks in the middle of summer…
August 7, 2008 at 4:51 pm · Filed under Banging My Head Against A Wall, Music, Random Musings
I’ve often said ‘There are people who are born to lead, and there are people who are born to wait in line,’ and I believe it’s in my genetic coding to be among the former. However, it appears that the line itself is making a comeback.
I watched the line and its meaning dissolve in 1990 in Boulder, CO. Prior to that date, people would start ‘lining up’ for just about anything, usually concert tickets (OK, Grateful Dead concert tickets). They had such devoted followers that being in line for a few days became a party unto itself. Coming out of the 70’s, some bands were HUGE, and stadiums filled with people would sell out in minutes. You had better be in that line.
However, in an attempt to curb people camping out, and to keep order for those days leading up to the on sale date, the main record store in Boulder first tried this: If you were in line the night before the ticket went on sale, you’d be given a number based on their allotment, and if you got a number, you were guaranteed a ticket. Perhaps it wasn’t the best ticket, but at the very least, you were IN. Then, if there were people who didn’t get numbers from the day before or just decided to wait, if any tickets were left, they’d swoop in on like vultures once all the ‘guaranteed’ ones were sold.
The day the line died (funny that-the music died with Don McLean’s song in 1972, but the line seemed to survive) we can thank our friends at Ticketmaster. Not only could you NOT wait the night before and have bestowed upon you a ticket guaranteeing you will get what you want the next day, you couldn’t even try to make a nice new line right then and there-on the day of the show-so if you got there at 4 a.m., you’d at least be rewarded for getting up so damn early.
It was the RANDOM numbering system. This was done, of course, to discourage people from loitering around the ticket place and taking up space. NOW, it didn’t matter if you got there at 4:36 am or 9:52 am (most Ticketmaster ticket sales begin exactly at 10:00 am), the numbers were distributed randomly. Once the numbers were handed out, everyone had to change their positions in line based on whatever number they got. You could have waited there for four hours and get pushed all the way to the end of the line, or you could have traipsed in at the last moment and be standing with ticket #1 (and everyone else hating you). With no advantage to coming sooner, the line died….almost.
Oddly enough, the people who are now pining in lines are those who are waiting for the release of some GADGET. And for some reason, since this seems to be outside the auspices of TicketMaster…so far. Here you CAN wait all day, and you will be given a number corresponding to when you got there to hold what’s promised for you. You can’t camp, you have to leave when the mall closes, but you can sit in one place for days on end…waiting in line
People are waiting in line so they can BUY something? Eh? What happens three months down the road when everyone you know has the same thing? Ooooh, is the dude’s phone, for example, sooo much better because he waited in a line for hours and hours to purchase it on the first day, and this other girl spent five minutes and got the same thing three days ago? Did they add some ’secret’ extra features for the ones who demonstrated their devotion so openly? I doubt it.
It’s kind of sad, really, that THAT’S what kids are waiting for these days. The days of nervously hoping that you’ll get in before tickets sell out, or before the GOOD seats sell out are gone; now it’s just another line to wait in…
June 19, 2008 at 1:42 pm · Filed under Banging My Head Against A Wall, Outside Facts of Interest, Random Musings, Uncategorized, Work
For most of my life, I have been blessed weight-wise. I have been able to eat anything and everything, as much or as little, and I would not suffer from any negative ramifications. Food hasn’t really been a big ‘thing’ in my life-it’s not my friend, I don’t eat when I’m sad or happy, to celebrate or to battle depression. I have plenty of pharmaceuticals that achieve those things. So what I eat and my activity level have not been much of an issue.Until I moved here. As is known, I’m here, living a sort of controlled life in paradise, otherwise known as ‘getting back on my feet.’ One part of this project of moving me back into regular society has been getting a job. The first one I had lasted two months. It was a temp assignment, but I eventually got ‘let go’ because the position required a level of perkiness I just could not live up to. Lord knows I tried. So I got a different job. It’s a perfect ‘introductory’ position that has been maneuvering me back into the way most people live their lives. My responsibilities are extremely few, and none of them is a life or death matter. I’ve been given the time to update my resume and cover letter, and it’s letting me begin pursuing that which I REALLY want to be doing, which is working from home as a freelance commercial writer. I have other things to do work-wise, but making sure the phone is answered my #1 priority task. It’s an unnecessary job that’s somehow deemed extremely important-being the first point of contact for people walking in. BEING here is pretty much the most important thing. Literally. I’m one step away from just being a paid mannequin.Well, BEING here has had numerous downfalls, but the biggest one by far is that I’m stuck sitting here all day. Sitting around can really put on the pounds, I’ve found. Still, I’ve stayed thin doing less. I exercise. I don’t eat much. I don’t drink anymore. This should not be happening! Sadly, sitting here, watching the clock mark that my 20’s are becoming and ever more distant dream, seems to have also have brought my metabolism to a screeching halt. By nature, I’m something of a tomboy, so apparently nature thought it would be a funny joke if put all the weight I gained on my body would be just like if I were a guy. You know, the ‘apple’ shaped body, where the first place any ounce goes is right to the gut. Just like a guy. The only difference is a guy can put on a larger pair of pants, button up a bigger shirt, and he’s fine. Better than fine. He’s doing well! Just look at him-he’s not starving. A guy can be quite overweight and look just fine. They’ve got a LOT of leeway here. Women, unfortunately, don’t get off so easy. We don’t have that ‘just buy a bigger button down shirt’ option. The current fashion trends have been baby doll tops for the last several years, and they only exacerbate the problem. And you know what that does to a girl like me? It brings one thing: “THE QUESTION.”“When are you due?” Due? One look in the mirror and all of those extra pounds that makes your boyfriend/fiancé/husband a little pudgy but still cute and perfectly loveable and good looking only seems to do one thing for you. It makes you look pregnant. And for some reason, this seems to be a perfectly acceptable question for ANYONE to ask you. I know of no other question that can ruin your day so quickly. There is no good retort, no good comeback to put that person in his/her place. Really, your only defense is to say “Actually, I’m not pregnant,” and it makes the other person REALLY embarrassed. Still, it doesn’t do a whole lot for your self esteem, the masses of society thinking you’re pregnant, when the real truth is your genetic makeup just decided it liked apples more than pears. It sucks. And I’m not even overweight! I fit in the scales for my height and everything. Goodness, you’d think after the mind they gave me, all filled with who knows what but guaranteed ‘uniqueness,’ you’d think I’d get a break in the body department. I guess I did, for a while, and I’m glad in hindsight of how I looked back then. It would be one of my three genie wishes to look like that again.Oh well. It is what it is. After spending decades hating a perfectly good, useful and lithe body, I’m now here with my baby guy. Karma can be a bitch. I know I can deal with this, though. It’s not that big a deal.But still, for the sake of all apple shaped women everywhere, PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE do not EVER ask a female when she’s ‘due’ unless she has expressly indicated that she is, in fact, pregnant. We have enough things to deal with; please do not automatically wreck our self-esteem on top of it all. It’s not nice, and, for the most part, it’s not our fault. We’re NOT lying around eating boxes of Krispy Cremes in front of the TV; we’re doing everything we can to rid ourselves of this ‘belly fat.’ We are not exactly thrilled about this situation either; however, please keep the inquisitiveness to yourself. I mean, it is a pretty nosy question to be asking in the first place, don’t you think? I am sure if one is really pregnant, you will be barraged with a discussion of due dates and stuff like that. Unless it really is that situation and we really are pregnant, however, no matter what tone you were trying to convey like ‘I was just trying to be nice,’ or ‘ I was just trying to have a conversation,’ please, just do not use it anymore. You’ll just hurt someone’s feelings and make yourself look like a fool.
April 23, 2008 at 10:42 am · Filed under Banging My Head Against A Wall, Random Musings, Work
“Could you do this project for me?” she asked as she headed to the elevator. It was something trivial, but something with which I had no familarity regardless. I visited many a website, made tons of calls, all to no avail. In Hawaii, there exists the phenomena known as “Hawaii Time,” which yes, means that EVERYTHING, ranging from having a call returned to laying a foundation for a house, it all takes at LEAST twice as long as it would anywhere else in the country.
Having run into a brick wall of unanswered voicemails, I asked her in passing a single question for further clarification. I was told “Let me tell you about managers. When they give someone a project to work on, they expect to not have to think about it until it is completed. I don’t have any time (she was socializing when I asked her) to give you further information. You’re just going to figure it out yourself. Or if you can’t, then you can’t.” O…K… that was helpful. I just made myself feel even MORE like a chump. Fortunately, I was ultimately able to get a hold of someone who had the information I was seeking.
I give this information to the manager, and from it, I was given a new assignment. It was similar in nature, and I lucked out to find the information I needed plus more on one of my first calls. I complete this task and give it to her. It was odd because there was this element of simple busywork to these ‘projects.’
Then the truth comes out. “We’re giving you these projects to see what you can handle.” She asked me of my other responsibilities in this job, which generally aren’t of much importance, but they do count as work. “We are seeing whether it’s even necessary to have this position at all, or whether it could be replaced by the phone. You need to show us that your position is justified in keeping.”
Eh? I always thought that even if it got down to 10 people in the office, they’d ALWAYS need a receptionist. Alas, how wrong I was.
I get stuck with all the work no one else wants to do. I am REQUIRED to possess a friendly demeanor-on the phone and to people coming in. I have to get permission to go to the BATHROOM for God’s sake in case the phone rings, I do all the low work no one else will, and in these hard times of recession, I’m the one you want to eliminate? What about all of your project workers who’ve been sitting at their cubicles doing nothing? If you’re going to save some money, why axe the lowest paid person? Doesn’t make sense to me.
So who knows? My days here may be limited. That’s all right; collecting unemployment for a while sounds kind of fun too.
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