Where slacking is a sport, reading an addiction, and underachievement a birthright

Archive for January, 2009

For once, I AM like someone else…

It  was not a good idea.

Something has happened to my body.  I’m not too sure who took it over, but they’ve done a great job messing it up.  After being in the 120 pound range for the last two decades, suddenly, the question I get asked most is “When are you due?”  Last year I probably used up 85% of my vacation time going to doctors.  Nothing. 

Could it be me?  Could I be eating more than I think I am?  My general doctor had created a diet which he said always worked.  A dry piece of toast for breakfast.  A salad as big as I want for lunch.  A lean cuisine type entree for dinner.  Follow this draconian diet for six days,  and you are allowed ONE ‘free’ meal.  The only problem is I hate salad.  So I took my salad fixings and blended them into a sort of mush in the food processor.  I figured this way, I’d be able to have a few bites, and that would equal out.  Another bad idea.

The pounds just have been staying, inviting their friends, and have been in no hurry to leave.  I have a bit of chronic kidney disease, a doctor told me.  Couple that with it not really being the best time out of the last 28 days, and that’s me today.  I’ve been spending a lot of time on learning about fashion and taste, because I really want to be wearing something other than wrap around skirts for the rest of my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to turn this eternal hippie wear into something more timeless.  I want to look cool, but classy as well, and in a day to day way.  I can do classy for something like an event without a problem, but on Monday, I’m lost.

Today I went to Nordstrom’s.  I had one of my books with me so I could understand what they’d been talking about.  I found some jeans.  I tried them on.  I could button and zip them…barely.  I see a lot of people wear their jeans this tight.  I couldn’t imagine being one of them, but I could if I wanted to.  I handed the ill-fitting pants to a saleswoman and gave a quick excuse-not a good time of the month to be trying on things.

But we got to talking, and I told her about my newly diagnosed thyroid /kidney condition.  She told me a relative of hers had the same thing-a huge weight gain out of the blue, and everyone asking her if she was pregnant because she looked like it.  Hey, that’s what happened to me last year!  The saleswoman said she could tell I was supposed to be thin-she could see it in my wrists and ankles.  Unfortunately, she then said that the condition the other girl had eluded doctors.  Bummer.

However, it was the first time since my body has been practicing circus tricks that another person understood.  Another person had seen this before.  Another person who (among the very few) said it wasn’t my fault.  She said to get over the ‘womanly week,’ and come in again.  Her name was Dana.  It was the first good ‘bad’ shopping experiences I’ve ever had. 

And I’ll be looking cool, timeless yet modern, and all that other fashion stuff some day.